so last week i managed to finish everything except for my narcolepsy paper, which i (and the entire class) got an extension on. YAY! but in the process, i seemed to have obliterated all chances for a normal sleep cycle. on thursday alone (the day of my ecology final) i must've took twenty or so fifteen-min power naps (when i was supposed to be studying, ofcourse). so by the time i got home, i couldn't sleep until 6 a.m!!
i gotta tell ya, the week zzzzipped by. and not only was it fast, but pretty emotionally intense too. for my ethnic studies final paper, i took on the task of confronting my issues w/ racism. i ended up writing about my own internalized racism (racism towards your own race). man, it really was catharitic. and i'm not just being cheezy. i titled it "the tongues that bind," playing off of the double entendre of "bind," since... i proposed that alot of my racism was linked to my loss of fluency in tagalog & my subsequent envy for a filipino community i felt ostracized by. so yah...a lot of my racism linked back to shame which inked back to silencing (of a language) which linked back to dundun DUn...american hegemony. it was hard to write, hard to swallow...but something i think i needed to do. i did have fun making up subtitles tho:
i. confessions of a former internalized racist
ii. hate is not born in a moment: seeking the roots of predujice
iii. from racism to realism: deconstructing predujice
and
iv. identity is in the heart (a spinoff of Carlos Bolusan's book "America is in the Heart")
mind you, i also had to present this sucker in class. gulp!
as for my poetry portfolio, i also turned that in on tues...and that evening was made to read some poems at the humanities center. it turned out to be fun, surprisingly. the energy from the crowd was incredible. probably because most of the audience was from my poetry worshop class, and we were all pretty sentimental about leaving. or maybe, it was just because i'm generally an overdramatic person anyway. one of the poets in our class even cried while her reading poems--one about the annunciation & another about the war. all in all, it was by far one of the memorable experiences i've, well...experienced.
my ecology final was icky.
on a completely different note....
i had an absolutely spectacular birthday!!
it was a weekday (april 26th)...but it felt like the weekend!! dave came to visit (for FOUR whole days). i absolutely LOVE that boy. *sigh.*and jo, mag, theresa & jenny got me the most stupendous gifts! a cute ceramic teapot, some vanilla almond black tea (YUM! my favorite), a book of poems (baudelaire), a posh journal, and a bling-bling watch (for dent school, ofcourse...when i'll be forced to dress bling-ingly). the teapot i haven't used yet...it's wayyy too pretty. the watch i get somewhat distracted by...it's also too pretty. aww...i love the people in my life. not just 'cause they get me well-thought out gifts, but because they are just some of the most thoughtful, beautiful people in this sometimes very ugly world.
i'll leave you guys with a poem inspired by the stylistics of baudelaire (read his poem "beauty" if you can). btw, jason helped me revise this poem for my portfolio--and he swears he's not a poet at heart. gooo j! well, here it is:
Cause of being
I am the root you dig for, the tonic
for which you thirst to quench
the murmurs coursing your veins,
the wrenching at your gut. Though I sit
on every breath, you live in search of me.
I am the sleep that escapes you, yet
even as you sleep you dream of me,
wanting to hold me as your lover
though I am your lover---you
have found me.
I am the home you feel obliged to,
the stone you wish to lie beneath,
though I am the stone of your heart.
I bury myself in your flesh and will
evaporate upon your death.
one more thing...
SEVEN days 'til graduation!! woot!
.
